The Fires of Grief
by xpoetxofxthexmoon
Summary: Xion is dead; Axel is left behind - so begins the journey of acceptance. - Axel x Xion. - Rated M for language and death. - friendship; Saix & Axel -
1. Denial

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own anything in this fan fiction. They belong to their respected owners. If you think I do own this, then I will have to shoot you in the ass with an arrow :]

Pairing: Xion x Axel

Warning: Characters will be mildly out of character; slightly AU — due to the fact no one forgets about Xion.

Summary: Xion is dead and Axel — who had 'feelings' for Xion — is left behind. This is his journey to acceptance.

* * *

_Step one; _**Denial**_._

The room was dead silent as four cloaked figures sat calmly in 'Where Nothing Gathers'. The tension in the air was thick, the figures' faces concealed by the hood of their cloaks. Patience were running thin as they waited on word of what had happened. Though it seemed as though the silence was getting to one of the figures.

The red head sat, staring down at the Nobody symbol on the floor. His emerald green eyes seemed distant, pieces of his fiery red hair poking out from the hood. His mouth turned down into a frown, as his mind began to fill with morbid thoughts of things that could have happened. Yet he couldn't let himself believe such a thing, the girl was fine — she had to be.

"Axel," the highest seated being spoke. His voice was deep and slow, he spoke almost like a father would to his very young son. "What seems to be the matter?"

"Nothing."

Axel's answer echoed dryly off the white walls. It seemed like the younger nobody was trying to convince himself, instead of convincing the man seated above him. The man noticed — so did the other two in the room. Yet the other two did not say a word, they weren't even sure what they could say. Or even if they were allowed to speak, neither wanted to speak out of turn around the man on the highest chair.

"Are you sure?"

The man eyed up the red head for a moment, a deep frown taking over his expression. He could sense something was different about his underling — something was different, maybe even wrong, with Axel. He didn't like it, and he disliked the fact that he didn't know what was wrong. Axel could sense this coming from the highest figure, and it would normally have amused him.

"Sure." Axel answered, "Nothing is the matter, Superior."

A grunt echoed from one of the other figures, causing the Superior's gaze to move over to the figure. Under the gaze of the superior, the figure flinched and turned his own gaze upward. Lifting a hand, the superior motioned for the figure to drop their hood — even though he already knew who it was. With some hesitation, the hood came down to reveal the azure locks and yellow eyes.

Axel wanted to smirk at the sight of the diviner but he knew better, just kept a straight face. It was well known that when you interrupted the Superior, you were in for trouble. Even if you were Saïx, who was second-in-command to the Superior. Though Axel supposed that the fact it amused him was that Saïx hardly ever did it, always in control the diviner was.

"Is there something you would like to say?" Xemnas questioned darkly, eying up his second-in-command. It was clear that the superior wasn't pleased with Saïx's out burst, even though it was a single grunt. "Well?"

"No, Superior." Saïx spoke as calmly as possible under the man's gaze. "I apologize."

"I see," Xemnas responded dryly.

No more was said. Silence engulfed the room as Saïx pulled his hood back up, turning his animal-like eyes to the red head. Axel only returned the gaze at the azure haired man, forcing an amused smirk that probably would have been there before. Those yellow orbs never blinked, though they sparkled for a moment — it seemed to Axel that Saïx knew what was going though his head.

Axel didn't like it. He knew that this was going to end badly — at least for him, for Xion as well. Saïx was getting it, all of it. Why Axel chose 'the puppet', why he seemed so concerned about the doll. It seemed to amuse the azure man, but him knowing it did not amuse the red head.

Suddenly, a swirling sound echoed off the white walls and through Axel's head. His emerald eyes snapped over to one of the chairs, darkness fading from the seat and revealing a man with graying hair sitting. Axel wanted to speak — ask about what happened, where she was — but when he parted his lips nothing escaped. He could only stare at the new comer, hope shining in his emerald colored orbs.

"Xigbar," Xemnas called out dully. "The news?"

"About?"

Axel almost let out a growl at the sound of the new comers mocking. Not because it was towards the superior, but because it involved Xion. Now wasn't the time for the Nobody to be acting like this — yet he was sure that because of the mocking, Xigbar would report that Xion was fine. Then all Axel had to do was go get the girl.

Xemnas growled, "Xigbar."

"Well if it's about Poppet," Xigbar's expression changed to that of seriousness — almost sadness. "It's nothing good."

If Axel had a heart it would have dropped and shattered to pieces. Yet he couldn't help but feel that Xigbar was just joking. He had to have been — Xion had to be alright. She just had to, she was stronger then that. Besides, for Axel's sake, she had to be alright.

"So she is no more?"

Axel closed his eyes and twisted his head to the side, inhaling sharply and holding it in. He couldn't believe how calm the superior was about this. He couldn't believe how the superior stated a question about Xion. He wanted to summon his chakrams right there and slice the superior in half — but he just bit back the action.

"Poppet?" Xigbar frowned, "Yeah. She's 'no more', Superior."

"No!"

All eyes snapped over to Axel, who had slammed his hand against the arm of his chair. His hood fell as he lunged forward, his lips still parted from his out burst. Silence followed his out burst, all four pairs of eyes stared at the red head — disbelief, confusion, and anger shining through at him. He ignored them and narrowed his eyes, gripping the stone throne's arm as he sat.

"No." He spoke again, a little less harsh. "She can't be gone. She was stronger then that."

"Are you saying that Xigbar is lying," Xemnas smirked. "Well, Axel?"

"No," Axel muttered. "I think he just has it wrong."

"Oh?"

Xemnas raised a brow at the red head. He was clearly amused by this moment, he had never seen Axel behave like this. Not even when Roxas was involved did Axel act like this. It amused the superior highly — he had even come up with an idea for this situation.

"Yes." Axel nodded, "Xion is stronger then you all—"

"As if!" Xigbar snapped, "I liked Poppet too, so I wouldn't lie about this — not when there's a chance to bring her back. Besides, I watched it—"

"Damnit!" Axel growled and glared at the other nobody, "She isn't gone!"

"Axel—"

"Shut up!" Axel glared once more, "I—"

Saïx watched as the two argued, already knowing what was happening. Xion was dead — they knew that, they accepted it. All of them in the room, and once the others were told they would too, everyone but Axel. He knew why. Axel had 'feelings' for that doll, Saïx would never understand why — she was just a doll, worthless really. It annoyed him.

"Well then," Xemnas spoke dully. "If you think that Xigbar is wrong… then go find her, bring her back."

"I'll do just that," Axel glared at the superior. "And I'll bring her back, like I always do!"

The sound of the swirling darkness echoed off the walls once more, the pitch blackness surrounding Axel's form. All eyes watched as the darkness disappeared — taking the red head with it. Silence filled the air for a moment, eyes moving back to the superior with curiosity. He knew what they wanted to know, but he wouldn't say a word without being asked.

"Superior."

The voice was new, different from the others. It came from the only figure in the room that hadn't spoke yet. Xemnas was certainly surprised that this one was the one to speak up first. He thought for sure it would be Xigbar, but nonetheless, he turned his head in the direction of the speaker — his amber eyes staring directly at the hooded man.

"Yes, Xaldin?"

"Why would Axel deny that the puppet is dead?" Xaldin muttered darkly, "And why is he pretending to care so much? Roxas isn't involved anymore."

"He has gotten lost in his pretending," Xemnas answered slowly. "We must watch him closely from now on. Who knows just how lost he really is. Correct, Saïx?"

"Hm," Saïx turned his head towards the superior. "Correct. He believes he can actually feel."

Xigbar smirked, "So he's in denial in more ways then one?"

All eyes turned to Xigbar, who shrugged his shoulders dully. Engulfing himself in darkness, Xigbar disappeared. Xemnas lifted his hand, informing Saïx to spread the news. He nodded and disappeared like the eye-patched processor before him. Xaldin glanced up at Xemnas, who nodded, and the dreadlocked nobody disappeared as well.

"Axel." Xemnas smirked, "That fool…"

* * *

A/N: There will be five chapters to this fiction — the five stages of grief. I really do like this pairing, so I might do something a bit more then this simple little gloomy story. Reviews would be nice nonetheless :]


	2. Anger

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own anything in this fan fiction. They belong to their respected owners. If you think I do own this, then I will have to shoot you in the ass with an arrow :]

Pairing: Xion x Axel

Warning: Characters will be mildly out of character; slightly AU — due to the fact no one forgets about Xion.

Summary: Xion is dead and Axel — who had 'feelings' for Xion — is left behind. This is his journey to acceptance.

* * *

_Step Two_;** Anger**_._

There was nothing special about his bed room, Axel pretty much knew this. The room was white, pure white, with metal-like walls that seemed to be as empty as the rest of the castle. A single bed, with a headboard shaped like the Nobodies' symbol, rested against a wall with a small dull white nightstand sitting next to it. A single window rested against one of the walls, showing the heart-shaped moon that was Kingdom Hearts.

But many things happened in this single room. He had memories of her here, but nothing like anyone would expect. He could remember the night she snuck into his room, curling up on his bed beside him because she couldn't sleep. He remembered locking his arms around her, keeping her close and comfortable — she smiled up at him and nuzzled against his chest. He remembered the first night she came to him perfect, and every night after that.

He remembered the times they had spent together, how he would sometimes take her to the clock tower without Roxas. How she would smile at him as she happily nibbled on her ice cream. He would just lay back until sunset — then the two would sit at the edge of the building and watch the sunset. He almost felt right for a moment, almost like he wasn't completely empty inside. He never understood it, but every time she was around things were different.

He remembered the nights that she would secretly sneak into his room. He would watch up at the sound of his name passing over her lips. Her ocean blue eyes would meet his emerald green eyes — there would be a smile. Her lips would curl into an innocent and sweet smile, while his would twist into a smirk. He wanted to smile back at her, but he couldn't manage that, he could only smirk.

Then she would climb into his bed, curling up next to him. He would wrap his arms around her and hold her close, much like he did on the first night it would happen. He would stroke her hair as she closed her eyes and whispered things. Sometimes it would be about memories, or something that happened on the missions she went on — sometimes she would just babble on and on. He would smile into her hair — she would talk herself to sleep.

She began to make it a habit to come to him, that was until — something happened. He refused to remember what, but whatever it was changed her. He would always have to go get her, telling her that he would always bring her back. He promised her actually, and he kept his word for the most part — at least from what he wished to remember.

He remembered how Saïx would always call her a doll or tell her that she was worthless, always insulting her. He knew that Saïx had been a friend, at one point, but he wanted to kill him when he spoke poorly about her. She wasn't a doll, not in Axel's eyes. She was important, she still is — she couldn't be dead, he wouldn't allow it.

He balled his hands into fists as he stared out the window, narrowing his emerald eyes. He had looked everyone in the past few days, and he couldn't find her. He always found her before, why couldn't he now? Was Xigbar right about everything? Was Xion really gone? No, she couldn't be gone — he still felt her somewhere and he had to find her. No matter what the cost to him. He needed her.

"Axel."

Axel's eyes moved over to the sound of a voice, familiar voice. His eyes caught sight of a swirling darkness, a cloaked figure stepped through and it disappeared. Axel's eyes moved upward to meet yellow orbs, his eyes instantly recognizing them and the crossed scar on figure's face. His eyes scanned over the azure haired man, a frown instantly taking over his expression.

"Saïx." He greeted emotionlessly, "What are you doing here?"

"Have you located her?"

Saïx's voice was distant, Axel could tell that he was up to something. That tone was used when Saïx had something that he wanted Axel to do, or when he was plotting something. Axel always remembered it, and he had always hated it — at least he thought that he always hated it. He — damn was he confused.

"Not yet." Axel replied coolly, "But I will soon. I know it."

"No, you won't."

Axel glared at the detached man. "What?"

Saïx smirked. "You will not find her, Axel."

"Why the hell do you say that," Axel snapped — his blood boiling. "You don't know a damn thing about Xion!"

"You are foolish, aren't you?"

Saïx watched as Axel glared darkly at him. He planned on waking up his fellow Nobody, but it seemed to be harder then it seemed. Why was Axel acting like this? It wasn't like he could care. It seemed that Roxas —the only one who might have been able to show emotions, only because of Sora being 'alive' — had rubbed off on the red head. Saïx knew this wasn't good, and if Axel didn't snap out of it, their plans would be ruined.

"I'm not a fool." Axel muttered, "You are."

"And why that?" Saïx wasn't particularly interested in what he meant, but it couldn't help but ask. Axel had always been so amusing about things — this probably wasn't much different then that.

"Because you don't know a damn thing," Axel spat. "You can't feel a damn thing, you can't even pretend! You're pathetic!"

Saïx stared for a moment. Axel believed he might have fit a nerve in the azure man but he was wrong. Saïx smirked while turning his gaze directly into Axel's eyes. Axel frowned and felt his rage building up even more then before. How could Saïx just smirk at him? He just insulted him! Axel couldn't get it — at least that was until Saïx spoke in that dreaded calm tone of his.

"No, _Lea_." Saïx smirked, "It is not I who is pathetic. It is you. Pretending to still have all those emotions you seem to think you do. You cannot care about her or her well being. Stop it, just admit that she's gone and take the missions I—"

Axel couldn't stop himself at this point, Saïx had went too far. He lunged at Saïx and grabbed him by the front of his cloak. Within the blink of an eye, Axel slammed Saïx against a nearby wall and slid him up it, the azure haired male's feet were draggling as he was lifted into the air. As emerald green eyes narrowed, yellow orbs widened in shock. Axel held him against the wall with one hand, he clenched his free hand into a ball and pulled his fist back. He was ready to strike the male before him.

Saïx frowned, "You won't do it."

"Shut up!" Axel spat harshly, "Xion is not dead! She's still alive, I can fucking feel her here! You don't know a damn thing, you stupid bastard!"

Saïx smirked. "She's was ever exactly living either—"

Saïx grunted as he felt Axel's fist crash against his cheek. There was enough force to twist Saïx's head to the side, his eyes widened for a moment. Axel had had enough of this, of Saïx's attitude. He knew that Xion was a live, she had to be — Axel could feel her somewhere, he knew it. Then it happened — something that Axel hadn't heard in quite some time.

Saïx laughed. It was a hallow laugh, nor was it dark and twisted. "You hit me."

"Yeah," Axel spat. "I fucking hit you."

"Over a doll."

"Shut up!" Axel shouted and landing another punch to Saïx. "Just shut up!"

Saïx said nothing, which relieved Axel but yet angered him more. Axel balled his fist once more and released Saïx from his hold. Saïx didn't move, Axel shouted curses at the azure haired male and still nothing. He ordered Saïx to leave yet the man did not, he just stood there with his head turned to the side; a bruise already showing up.

And then it happened. Axel balled both fists and began to throw punches at the man. Saïx stood there and took the punches, never even looking at Axel. Axel didn't notice, he was fair to busy using his ex-friend as a punching bag. Saïx didn't seem to mind, he continued to take the punches and the anger fueled insults that the red head dished out.

Axel didn't know why — didn't care why.

Saïx knew why — he wasn't going to admit it.

* * *

A/N: The second chapter to this fiction. This is not turning into a yaoi story! You must remember that Saïx and Axel were best friends when they were whole — Isa and Lea. Hence why Saïx is taking the abuse from Axel — he might think that Axel has gotten lost in pretending that he could feel, yet due to his old memories with Axel, something inside of him won't let Axel be alone right now. :] I made Saïx a nice guy :O


	3. Bargaining

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own anything in this fan fiction. They belong to their respected owners. If you think I do own this, then I will have to shoot you in the ass with an arrow :]

Pairing: Xion x Axel

Warning: Characters will be mildly out of character; slightly AU — due to the fact no one forgets about Xion.

Summary: Xion is dead and Axel — who had 'feelings' for Xion — is left behind. This is his journey to acceptance.

* * *

_Step Three_;**Bargaining**_._

The room was no longer pure white, nor was it as dull as it was before. The floor was stained crimson of two being's blood. An azure haired male sat against a wall, which he had been previously beaten on, his head slumped forward and unnatural yellow eyes hidden behind bruised eyelids. Drying crimson blood baking against his pale skin and black cloak, as the bloody red head stood over him.

The red head's blood soaked gloved laid abandoned on the floor, blood dripping from his split knuckles. His emerald eyes resting on the unconscious azure haired male, who hadn't even fought back against his abuse. He did not know why the berserker hadn't fought back, he was sure that he would but he didn't. He only stood there until he couldn't anymore, collapsing to the floor in the heap that he was now in.

Axel frowned as he stood over the azure haired male, his gaze steady yet unsure of what to do now. He debated on leaving his friend, yes he had called Saïx his friend once more, and looking for the girl — but he couldn't. He didn't know why, but he just couldn't do it. He stood like a statue for a moment or two, before he moved his gaze from the male to the moon outside.

In the shape of a heart, the moon was dubbed Kingdom Hearts and would be the only way for them to get their hearts back. Axel stared at it for a moment before turning to the window, not even bothering to step forward. It was odd that Axel found himself staring at it, he never did such things — he was always too busy. But now, now he couldn't help but stare at it and clench his fists at his sides.

"Listen up, Kingdom Hearts." Axel spoke dryly, "I think we need to talk about something. You know that right? You probably do, that is if you can know things — Saïx and Xemnas seem to think you do. I always see them starin' at ya, sometimes talkin' to ya. But I'm not as great as them, I mean, about talking to you or whatever."

Axel paused for a moment and turned his gaze to Saïx. The male still lay unconscious against the wall, Axel almost didn't feel right for what he did. But he shook the thought from his head, turning his gaze from the azure haired Nobody and to the moon once more. He inhaled sharply and closed his bright emerald eyes.

"There's someone really important to me and she's missing. She's everything to me, ya know? She makes me almost feel… like I'm a somebody. You know, that I don't have a heart, you have to, else I wouldn't be here, I guess. But she is something else, she makes me just feel like I'm whole again and that I have things I probably don't have." Axel explained to the moon. "But you see… everyone thinks she's dead, but I don't… well I guess, I just don't know."

"She's real pretty too. She looks something like this other girl I know, but they have different hair. I guess that means she looks like Namine's somebody, I think Xemnas said her name is Kairi. But anyway, enough of that." Axel glanced to the side, "She's real important. She's sweet too when the time calls for it, but she's stubborn as hell. It seems—"

He paused and glanced over at Saïx, hearing a grunt coming from the unconscious man. He waited for a few moments, seeming as Saïx wasn't waking up yet, Axel decided to continue. His bright gaze moved back to Kingdom Hearts as he frowned up at the object.

"It seems as though she doesn't want to be found. I can't have that. Not at all, because, you see, I really need her here with me. It would be pretty damn awesome if you brought her back here. Hell, I'd do anything — A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G, got it memorized?" He forced a smile as he lowered his head, "I will… make sure more hearts get to you. I'll do anything you ask of me."

Axel cracked a smile, not forced for once since the news of Xion appeared. He could almost feel her, like she was standing right next to him. Though when he scanned for her, he found nothing. His smile faded slightly as his eyes darted back up to the moon — a frown taking over his expression. The moon just shone down on him like it always did, yet he couldn't stop himself from continuing.

"I'll try to stop Xemnas from doing anything stupid, once we get our hearts back." Axel offered, "I'll make sure nothing ever happens to Xion again. Oh yeah, the girl, her name is Xion. But yeah… I-I just need her back, you know? I-I'll do anything, like I said before. Just give her back to me, please. Don't let her be…"

He stopped and turned his head, "Don't let her be dead, Kingdom Hearts. Because if she's dead, I'm afraid I won't know what to do. I'm losing everything it seems, and she… I just can't do this all without her. I'm not one to beg and whine for things, but I'm not afraid to when they're really important to me. She's just one of those things — and that's why I'm talking to you."

"I need you're help. You're the only one I think that can help me. Please, just bring her back to me. I don't care what it will cost me." He paused and closed his eyes painfully, "Let me open my eyes and see her here next to me. Let me open my eyes and see that smile of hers. Please, Kingdom Hearts, I've never asked for anything really from you before this."

"Bring her home to me. Please. I… need her. She's everything to me, just bring her back to me. I don't know what to do without her. I'm pathetic aren't I?" He forced a smirk, his eyes still closed. "But that doesn't matter. She doesn't deserve the fate that might be upon her. NOW GIVE HER TO ME DAMNIT! RIGHT NOW! I'M GOING TO OPEN THEM!"

He opened his eyes, scanning around the room. The only other figure besides him was the bloody one laying against the wall, breathing slowly but steadily. He frowned as he turned his gaze back to the moon, sending a sling of curses at the pale yellow heart in the sky. He clenched his fists and turned completely back to the azure haired body — eyes closing painfully.

He suddenly couldn't feel her anymore.

* * *

A/N: A short chapter and certainly not my best work, but the next chapter is going to be better I promise. Reviews are welcome :D


	4. Depression

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own anything in this fan fiction. They belong to their respected owners. If you think I do own this, then I will have to shoot you in the ass with an arrow :]

Pairing: Xion x Axel

Warning: Characters will be mildly out of character; slightly AU — due to the fact no one forgets about Xion.

Summary: Xion is dead and Axel — who had 'feelings' for Xion — is left behind. This is his journey to acceptance.

* * *

_Step Four_;**Depression**_._

The white — and crimson stained — room began to spin. Everything seemed to become hazy and bleak, everything beginning to blend together. The red head's mind began to blank out, his stomach knotted and twisting. He almost felt like he needed to vomit, his hands beginning to shake in dismay — things were different in this mere second then they were moments before.

He suddenly couldn't feel her anymore. Realization hit him like a ton of bricks, if he couldn't feel her then she must have been dead. Pain thudded through his body, mostly in chest where his heart would have been. He lifted one of his heads and placed it over the area, gripping the front of his cloak tightly. His eyes burnt, becoming glossy with a salty liquid — he remembered that these were tears.

His free hand lifted and placed to his left cheek as a tear fell from his eye. He felt the tear rolling down his pale cheek, stopping at his fingertips and trying to roll over them. It obviously failed but it was soon joined by more. He knew what this was — he was depressed, sad, angry. These tears had their meaning, he was morning his loss.

The strength in his legs gave out and he slumped to the floor, his legs under his body as he sat. Tears continued to flow from his eyes, his mind filling with the memories of the doll that he had loved ever-so-much. His shoulder began to shake violently as a sob escaped his lips, the sob was soon joined by more of sobs. His entire body began to shake and almost convulsing violently, sobs escaping him uncontrollably.

He didn't hear his azure haired friend grunt and stir awake. Yellow eyes opened slowly, out of focus for a moment, before everything around him lightened up. He could almost feel the pain from the wounds inflicted upon him from the red head — but that wasn't what his mind was focusing on by itself. Of course not, he was focused on the sobbing Nobody a few feet away.

Something clicked inside of the berserker, memories of his former self's past flashed through his mind. His time with Axel's former self flickered and reminded him of things. It reminded him of a time when he had emotions, when the two were best friends. Lea and Isa, always together and there for one another. He remembered that time, that time when everything was more comfortable. A time he wished they still had.

He debated things. He debated either crawling out of the room to lick his wounds, leaving the Nobody alone. He debated crawling over to Axel and trying to make his wish come true, a time in which things were real and not pretend. A time in which he could comfort Axel, even though he doubted that Axel really felt. He debated on lashing out at the Nobody for beating on him, for everything that he did and is doing.

He made up his mind. It didn't really take all that long to figure out what he wanted to do. He never did when it came to Lea, at least back then or when things were wrong like this. Then again, he couldn't really remember when things were like this, since they had become what they were now. It was odd but it was true.

Despite his injuries, he pushed himself upward and practically crawled over to the red head. He was obvious to the fact the Nobody hadn't noticed him, but still he forced himself to a sit with the energy he had. He lifted a shaking hand and reached out to the red head, placing his hand against the male's slender — and shaking — shoulder.

"Axel…"

"Saïx," Axel mumbled. "She's gone… she's not coming back to me."

Saïx said nothing to his friend and tugged him forward, grimacing as the red head hit his frame. Spiky red head bounced with the impact of his head smacking against the azure's shoulder. The flamer scooted his body close to the diviner, the warmth of the flamer's naturally higher body temperature almost made the diviner want to hold him. That warmth was something that felt, Saïx stopped himself — felt? He couldn't feel.

Nonetheless, he moved his arms around the red head and held him, much like an older sibling would a younger one. It was different then what Saïx was used to now, but it was something he often did as Isa. He had to make sure Lea was alright, the red head was like a brother to the azure haired male — but was it still that way? He wasn't sure but he wasn't going to argue, it almost felt like before.

"I—"

"Be quiet, _Lea_."

Saïx's reply just slipped out but he didn't bother correcting it. Axel didn't even notice, he just stayed close to his comrade. Tears still leaked out of his emerald green eyes, pain still thumped through his chest with every breath he took. His face seemed to bury itself into the azure's blood soaked shoulder, almost stopping when he felt Saïx grimace.

But Saïx just placed a hand to the back of the Nobody's head, applying a bit of pressure to force him to continue his previous action. Axel complied and tried to find comfort in his comrade — yet something stopped him. He knew what it was, it was the pain pumping through his body and the thought that he had lost Xion forever.

More agony entered the red head as he realized that he would never see her smiling face again. He would never see those blue eyes shining happily, or hear her giggle echo through the air. He would never hear her voice whispering out story at night, or feel her body against his while they laid together. He would never go looking for her, just to bring her back and hold her close again. Everything he cherished was gone, he had nothing left.

He felt weak and hopeless, weary and angry. The sobs and tears increased as these thoughts filled his head. He clung to the other male's cloak like a small child to a parent, using the male as support. He found little to no comfort in the azure male, but yet he still held on because his old friend was all he had now.

Saïx just held him close, trying his best to pretend much like the other did. He slowly moved his arms around the sobbing Nobody, the same one that he once considered his best friend. He felt the red head tense for a moment before shifting and relaxing. He tilted his head and rested it against the other male's, closing his eyes slowly.

"_Lea_…"

"_Isa_, she's gone." Axel whimpered, "I-I don't know what to do…"

"I know." Saïx spoke carefully, "You must keep breathing until we…"

"I know."

Saïx glanced down at Axel, noticing that the male's eyes were closed. Tears still leaked through his eyelids, but his breathing became slow. Saïx knew what this meant, Axel was falling asleep. Saïx smiled, not smirked or grinned, he smiled down at his friend for a moment. He knew that Axel would make it through this — he just needed time.

Once the red head was deep within slumber, the azure haired male shifted the thinner male into his arms. He stumbled to a stand, still weak from the beating he took, and carried him over to the single bed. He placed him down and tugged the covers around him, then limping over to the wall where the beating took place.

He leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor. He leaned his head back and turned his gaze to his friend. He watched at the man slept, keeping an eye on him — not because of what the superior said a days before hand. He kept an eye on him out of memories of their previous friendship, he had once cared about this man and he planned on keeping it that way; at least to the best of his abilities.

He would watch him like an older brother would a younger sibling. That's all he could do. He had realized before how attached Axel had gotten, how lost he became in his pretending, but he never imagined this. Could Axel have actually loved Xion? Of course — at least to some extent. And now Axel felt alone and lost without her, maybe Saïx should have kept better tabs on the dolls.

_Axel blamed himself — and the organization for all of this._

_Xion blamed no one._

_But Saïx blamed only himself for the state of his red headed friend._

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A/N: The next chapter is the last one. :] I hope you all loved this one! Remember to review peeps!


	5. Acceptance

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own anything in this fan fiction. They belong to their respected owners. If you think I do own this, then I will have to shoot you in the ass with an arrow :]

Pairing: Xion x Axel

Warning: Characters will be mildly out of character; slightly AU — due to the fact no one forgets about Xion.

Summary: Xion is dead and Axel — who had 'feelings' for Xion — is left behind. This is his journey to acceptance.

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_Step Five_;**Acceptance**_._

Weeks went by from that night, weeks of tears and pain — of darkened thoughts as well. Many thoughts of finding a way to join Xion, or even bring her back, entered the flamer's head. He had debated ending it all, just to be able to see her again, but he couldn't do it. He wasn't strong enough to actually end it all, he just continued to debate it.

After a week or so, the dark thoughts and pain disappeared, a numbness took over. A feeling that he remembered before Xion and Roxas, when he had first began a Nobody. But the numbness didn't stop the sobs and tears from burning his eyes, sliding down his pale cheeks. He was a mess — there was no doubting it.

Though through it all, he wasn't alone. He may have felt that way but the truth was that there was always someone there for him. Even if he didn't go on missions or leave his room, mostly sleeping for long periods of time, he wasn't alone in his own mess and depression. He had someone with him at all times, and it had been someone he thought meant nothing to him any longer. Saïx, the lunar diviner — Xemnas's second in command.

Saïx stayed with him when he could, though he still had to give out missions. When he had to leave, he would merely leave a dusk to keep an eye on his slumbering friend. Though when he was there, he would stay against the wall that held memories of his beating still — dried blood on metal-like surface. His eyes always on the red head, almost like if he were look away, Axel would disappear.

But after almost two months of living like that, Saïx left a dusk to watch over what he thought was a sleeping Axel. He glanced at the red head before inhaling sharply, turning to the door and leaving without a farewell. What was the point? Axel was asleep and would probably stay like that until Saïx returned with food. It was how things happened now, and though Saïx was annoyed, he merely lived with it.

Though what he didn't know when he closed that door that the Nobody laying in the bed was far from slumber. The red head wanted it that, because he knew damn well that if Saïx knew he was awake he wouldn't have left. Axel wanted time alone, but until now the only time he was alone — he was sleeping. Axel wanted to think and he couldn't do that sleeping, or with Saïx resting against the wall.

He waited a few moments after Saïx's left to push himself up, sitting on his bed with eyes staring ahead. He observed the simple dusk moving about the room, how it's body moved oddly and weird whooshing noise echoed with each movement. The things had always annoyed Axel, possibly slightly creeping him out — so he chose to move his gaze from the creature.

His emerald eyes moved to the heart shaped moon in the sky, watching it's eerie yellow glow. It had been months ago since he begged it to give him back Xion. It didn't listen, it didn't obey — he cursed at it for weeks. He remembered how Saïx would stare up at the moon, his eyes holding an odd apologetic look; he wasn't sure who it was for, him or the moon. He never asked either, even if he wanted to him.

Shaking the memories from his head, he slumped against the headboard of his bed. His eyes remained on the moon, listening to the whooshing noise of the dusk that moved about the room. His chest ached every moment he stared up; he had remember a moment similar to this with Xion. They sat on his bed, his arms around her as they stared up at it and spoke calmly about getting hearts.

He felt it, his eyes beginning to burn once more — he had thought for sure he had cried every liquid in his body. He felt a tear escape him, his hand reaching up and wiping it away before wiping his eyes. His vision clearing slightly, giving him a better look at the moon above. He dropped his hand and closed his eyes —wetting his lips with his tongue.

"Hey… it's me again, Kingdom Hearts. I know, I should apologize for everything I said before, but I'm not gonna do it. I'm sure that Saïx apologized for him, the way he stares up at you like that." He forced a smirk before continuing, "But I'm not talking to you for that, ya know? I just… want to know what I should do now? Without Xion, I just don't know what to do."

"She and I actually made plans one night under you, you probably heard them. But… now she's gone and… we can't do those plans we made. We can't get hearts together, we can't become whole together — we're not going to live life together." He muttered darkly, "Why? Why is she gone? Why did she have to die? What am… I going to do now? If you're all knowing, you have to tell me what to do!"

"What the hell do I do now?!" He snapped his eyes open and glared up at the yellow heart, "Should I join her?! Could you make that happen?! What do you want from me?! What will it take to make it all go away?! Or make her come back to me damnit! I just don't get it! I don't get it all! Why did this have to happen huh?!"

"Axel," a voice whispered, "Stop."

He felt it, he could almost feel that familiar beating in his chest. He could no longer hear the whooshing noise of the dusk. His eyes snapped over to where the voice came from; his eyes burnt again at the sight. There she stood; her short black hair hung gracefully over her pale forehead, her bright blue eyes stared out at him — her smile gently on her features.

"Xion…"

She smiled, "Yes?"

"They… said you were dead!" His eyes widened as he moved to the foot of the bed, reaching out to her. "But you're — you're here!"

"Not quite."

He blinked. "What?"

"I'm back where I truly belong, Axel." She whispered, "I just came — to say goodbye, and a few other things. I need to —"

"You are gone…" He frowned, "Can I go with you?"

"Not yet," She smiled softly. "Now how about you be quiet and listen for once in your life. If you would have maybe you wouldn't be cursing at Kingdom Hearts like a fool."

"Wh—"

"Axel."

He closed his mouth, smiling for reasons unknown to him. He stared at her, he almost wanted to reach out and touch her — but he wasn't sure if he could. So he sat at the foot of his bed and stared at the girl, motioning with his head for her to continue. He watched as she smiled and folded her hands together in front of her.

"I don't have much time, Axel, but it's time for me to say a few things. I love you, but I can't be here anymore. You have to stay here for a bit longer, but we may never meet like this again — I'm not sure really. But you have to… keep holding on and moving on, just like Saïx told you to."

"Saïx never—"

"Yes he did, for the past weeks he has. But never when you were — awake." She confessed softly, "You were his best friend, his memories tell him to comfort you and try to protect you, like the brotherly figure he was to you. But he — he's confused. You must stay with him for a little while, but you must also walk your own path as well. Do you understand?"

"No, I—" He paused as he noticed her start to fade away, "NO! Xion, please!"

"I'm sorry, Axel." She smiled at him, "But it'll all make sense soon, I promise. Just — move on."

"Xi—AH!" He reached out for her, his hand moving through her as she disappeared. He lost his balance and fell forward, off the bed and into a heap on the floor. "… Xion…"

He sat there for quite some time, he wasn't even sure how long. He just thought about everything that had just happened — those words were something he never wanted to hear from her. But yet he knew — a part of him just knew — that she was right. He couldn't linger here like this anymore, he had to move on, but he had to also follow his own path.

He sat there in his own thoughts for a long while, he only knew this because of a familiar swirling sound and how quickly it disappeared. He wasn't alone in the room anymore, he could hear the footsteps of his old friend coming closer. Though much to his surprise, they sounded rushed and panicked as they moved along and over to him.

His emerald eyes met yellow ones, a hand gripping each shoulder and pushed back. He stared into the scarred — and extremely tired — face above him. He knew it was Saïx, he knew before he seen the eyes that belonged to his comrade. But that wasn't what got him, it was the look of concern on his face for the red head.

"Axel…"

"Hey Saïx," He greeted with a smirk. The smirk wasn't forced, which was the first thing that he noticed. "How have you been?"

"Axel—"

"Any missions for me man?" Axel grinned up at the expression on Saïx's face, "Cause it's pretty boring in here all day."

"I — no missions for you, Axel."

Axel raised a brow, "And why not? I should be behind!"

"Because," Saïx paused — unsure if he should tell Axel that he had been doing his missions for him. "There hasn't been much to do."

"Damn," Axel glanced up at the ceiling. "Now what am I gonna do?"

"Axel, are yo—"

"Saïx," Axel broke in with a serious look on his face. "I'm sorry."

Saïx looked puzzled, "What?"

"I'm sorry — S-O-R-R-Y — got it memorized?" Axel smirked a bit, "I thought you were smart, Saïx."

He frowned, "What's going on here…?"

"I've been thinking about what you said," Axel answered and stood up, Saïx following suit. "I think it is time to move on. Xion wouldn't want me to act like this."

"How'd you—" Saïx stopped, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. Though he didn't let the smirk show, he knew Axel seen the corners of his lips twitching. "You know, I'm sure Demyx would want some help with his mission."

"Damn straight," Axel grinned and watched Saïx open a portal for him. "Thanks Saïx."

"Hn."

"See ya soon," He chuckled a bit while stepping to the portal. He stopped not far from it and turned his gaze to the exhausted looking azure haired Nobody. "Get some rest while I'm gone."

Saïx glanced over at his friend, a puzzled look on his face. "Hmm?"

"You look like shit, _Isa_." Axel pointed out with a grin.

"… fine." Saïx smirked a bit, "Behave, _Lea_."

"Always do."

Saïx watched his friend disappear through the portal, it soon disappearing as well. His yellow eyes moved to Kingdom Hearts for a moment, hearing a light — familiar — giggle echo through the air. He moved to the window and crossed his arms, staring up at Kingdom Hearts for a moment or two. A smile took over his normally blank or sarcastic expression.

"Thank you, Kingdom Hearts — Xion…"

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A/N: The last chapter. :] Enjoy!


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